I Miss You

Is our purpose in each other's lives truly over?

I never truly got to love you,

I never got to show you how much I care.

Instead, I made a fool of myself trying to be less–

feel less, love less, hurt less, and funnily enough

that caused me to hurt more. Now, I’m overwhelmed

by the way my heart yearns for your presence.

Oh, how I yearn!

I miss your smile and your voice. Your personality, the jokes 

that I didn’t quite understand. I was willing

to learn you, love you, like you.

More than willing to sin for you,

more than willing to be patient and gain your trust.

Now, I am left 

with all these unfulfilled desires.

The desire to date you, to hold your hand, to kiss you,

to go over to your apartment, to cuddle, to explore Minnesota with you!

To know you, to understand you, to have you hold me,

to put my hands in your hair and tenderly massage your scalp.

To have you fall asleep in my lap, to affirm you,

to make sure you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and the man that you are.

Ugh, what a silly woman I am!

I still think that I don’t deserve love, or that

I simply can not have love, so I self-sabotage.

I still think that I can be alone, that I should be alone,

that I deserve to be alone, and that I love my loneliness.

Silly, silly, silly.

I am still denying myself love,

The love that I have devoted my soul to finding,

the love that I have made my purpose.

What is wrong with me?

From now on, I dedicate myself to being honest!

Honest with myself, but especially honest with those that I love.

In the end, that is all I have. In the end, all I have is

my soul, my love, my truth.